A reader of this blog asked me some time ago to post on pauses, something I’ve written about from time to time in the past. In fact, the reader referred to the primary debates, and at the time I was suffering from a surfeit of them and just couldn’t muster the enthusiasm. But something about this last presidential debate reminded me of the request, so apologies to the reader for the long delay and here we go.

Pauses are both powerful, and necessary. Powerful because they show strength on the part of the speaker – the speaker has the confidence to let her words stand for some length of time rather than filling in the moments compulsively with sounds. Necessary simply because the listener needs time to hear what’s been said, react to it, and file it away under “hogwash,” or “genius.”

There’s also an implicit courtesy in a pause. A pause lets the audience take in what’s been said, but it also indicates to the audience that the speaker cares about that audience’s reaction to what’s been said. A pause implies – indeed, initiates – a conversation. Great speakers include the audience in the speech by pausing in ways that show that they’re relying on the feedback loop that audiences offer – and that they care about how the audience is reacting.

I once watched a famous speaker give a speech to the audience in front of him in a manner that completely failed to involve the audience. He signaled this in a number of ways, but one of the most important was to rush his opening by saying something like “How is everyone today?” and following that deathless beginning by jumping instantly into the substance of this talk. There was no pause to indicate that if he’d had the time, he would have been happy to listen to actual answers to the question. The result was that the audience felt like he didn’t care about them.

A speaker who followed him (and who happened to be a coachee) had been well-schooled in the importance of focusing on the audience and so had waited after asking a similar question – and included the audience in many real ways throughout. The result? My speaker rated more highly than the famous one. Comments from the audience included things like “(Speaker B) seemed much more involved with us than (Famous Speaker A).” And, “it felt like a real conversation.”

A debate where both candidates are constantly interrupting the other one, talking over each other, and failing to listen and respond to either what the moderators are asking or the other candidate is saying – that sort of debate insults the intelligence of the audience, makes them realize the debate is not about them, and demeans the dignity of the office one of them will eventually hold.

We’ve had such debates recently. Both candidates make themselves weaker by failing to pause and by jumping in over the other candidate’s lines, interrupting and failing to listen.

There’s a reason why we are taught at any early age the politeness of waiting other people out and listening to them before responding. It’s essential for a conversation.

Pauses allow what you’re saying – and what the other person is saying – to sink in. Pauses build suspense. Pauses allow the sharing of emotions. Indeed, pauses are at the heart of successful communication. As the great jazz player said, “it’s not the notes; it’s the space between the notes” that makes for great music.