Today, I’m looking at 3 elevator pitches that run the risk of being too short to have the necessary impact.  Let’s consider them in turn.  Each one goes wrong and fails to captivate the listener because of a lack of a different kind of detail. 

1.  By attending my presentation on investments, you have a strong prospect of owning a golf course in a few years rather than the few hours of teeing now.

Shankar, this elevator pitch promises great wealth “in a few years,” but I’m not persuaded because it doesn’t tell me what sets you apart from all the other wealth builders who would do the same.  It’s an all-too-common pitch and most people will respond to it with weary cynicism.  Tell us what makes you different, novel, compelling.  Give us a hint into your approach; how is it different from all the others? This one is specific about the wrong thing – golf. 

2.  I help you negotiate the minefields of international trade.

Lance, while I like the “negotiate the minefields” phrase, because it conveys an emotion – international trade is scary and I can help you get through it – you don’t tell me enough, again, to set you apart from the other minefield negotiators out there.  International trade may be a smaller universe than riches in general, but not a whole lot smaller and you still need to get a little more specific. This one has a good image, but not enough detail about the main idea. 

3. What if I told you that today, I could change the rest of your life for the better, once and for all?

Mario, thanks for sending this elevator pitch via a Tweet.  I love the idea, especially in the tail end of winter, to have my life changed for the better, but I’m old enough to want to know how you’re going to do it.  Do I need to pack a suitcase?  Wear sunscreen?  Or just change my thinking?  Your Tweet intrigues, but it doesn’t move me to action, because there’s not enough going on here.  Get more specific about who you are, what you’re offering, or why I should pay attention, and I’ll jump at the chance.  But not until then.  This one responds to an eternal wish – to change lives for the better – but not in a specific enough way. 

I talk more about elevator pitches, their uses and abuses in my new book:  Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma.