We all dread certain conversations — the one with the boss about a raise, with a teenage child about, say, a problem in school, or with a partner about a festering disagreement over the in-laws.  For some people, the anticipation is the worst part.  For most of us, though, the anticipation is bad enough, but the actual conversation is worse.  We’re nervous during it, and we don’t express ourselves well, and we don’t get what we want out of them.  How to make the experience better?

As a first step, project the future emotional state you want, not the one you fear.  You’re experiencing negative mental chatter, and it’s creating a doom loop that leads to physical symptoms that in turn generate more negative mental chatter.  Instead, start a positive cycle.  Tell yourself something like, “I am confident and serene.  I will handle the conversation beautifully.”  Use your own words and ideas, specific to your situation. 

For the rest of the steps to making a tough conversation better, please follow this link to my new e-book on Amazon, iTunes and Barnes & Noble, Tough Conversations.  In it you’ll find the 7 steps to more successful talk.  Enjoy!