Should a speaker be humble or – its opposite? Let’s call it ‘arrogant’? ‘Conceited’? ‘Egotistical’? Or the more neutral ‘assertive’?

It takes some confidence to stand up in front of an audience and share your ideas, your passions, your point of view. And in fact, in my coaching, I spend a good deal of time helping clients move past issues of the lack of confidence manifesting itself in one form or another. Simple and straightforward enough.

Beyond that, the curious nature of the adrenaline response is that, for the vast majority of people who experience it, it induces doubts. As the mind races, one of the things it spins its wheels on is, what if something went wrong? Few and blessed are the speakers who are wholly free of this mental tic.

So confidence is essential. But carry it too far and you will certainly put audiences off. If you spend all your allotted minutes telling the audience about your accomplishments, and going on about how wonderful you are, the audience will notice and begin to resent you and your self-focus.

One of the dangers of the current fashion of storytelling is that speakers who are narcissists interpret the stern injunction to tell stories to mean “tell stories about yourself.” With yourself as the hero. The result? An orgy of self-involvement and aggrandizement the like of which hasn’t been seen since Nero allegedly watched himself watch Rome burn. I’ve been to too many conferences and heard too many stories from speakers who attempt to attribute smarts and skill to their amazing successes when it is all too obvious that luck and being in the right place at the right time had just as much to do with it.

Which brings me to the latest research on leaders in the Administrative Science Quarterly. The researchers polled leaders and their employees in more than 60 companies and found that humble leaders got better results because they were able to appreciate others’ contributions, were aware of their own limitations, and were more open to feedback.

Now, of course, not all leaders are speakers and not all speakers are leaders, but the roles have certain similarities and a speaker is certainly a leader for the hour. So the research at least allows us to ask the question, will a humble speaker get better results, just as a humble leader apparently will?

And perhaps just as important, what does humility look like in a speaker?

Let’s look at a couple of examples. Steve Jobs is an obvious choice to start with. By all accounts arrogant, and by all accounts a great speaker. But is the former necessary for the latter? In his case, I would say no. His genius as a speaker came from the genuine enthusiasm for the products he demonstrated and the care and attention he put into rehearsal and preparation. It’s not the arrogance that shines through in his speaking, it’s the passion.

Speakers tempted to ‘wing it’ take warning.

What about Sir Ken Robinson, the speaker on the most viewed TED talk to date? I suspect that behind that classic British self-deprecatory humor lies a strong sense of self-confidence, but what comes through in his speeches is humility. He’s a master of making the speech not about him but about the message. And that serves both him and the message extraordinarily well.

Or take a third example, James Altucher, a prolific and successful speaker, author, and entrepreneur. He’s almost completely self-absorbed – all he talks about is himself – but he’s so authentic and honest that he holds you as he lurches from train wreck to success and back to train wreck again. If there’s such a thing as self-absorbed humility, he’s got it cornered.

I’m going to go out on a blogging limb here and suggest that humility isn’t just a nice to have, but it’s a necessity. And it can show up in several ways, at least one of which you should attempt to cultivate to be a successful speaker.

Put the focus on the audience, not on yourself.

Remember that the point of speaking is that the audience gets the message. If the audience doesn’t receive, you haven’t sent successfully and everyone’s time has been wasted. So focus on the audience – who are they, what are their needs, why are you talking to them, and not some other audience, and so on. Ask yourself, what is the problem the audience has for which my expertise is the solution?

Put the focus on yourself, but on your failures, not your successes.

If you do have great stories to tell about yourself, make them about your failures. The audience can read about your successes in your bio, and will probably hear about them in your intro. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have to talk yourself up. You’re already on stage.

Put the focus on the story, not on you – don’t make yourself the hero.

There’s a difference between telling a story you’ve witnessed and talking about yourself. It’s a chasm. Make sure you’re on the right side.

Put the focus on the passion, not on you.

You can make any subject and any occasion great with your passion. If you’re channeling some sort of cosmic energy, there is no stopping you, and the audience will love you for it.

Put the focus on the experience, not on yourself.

If all else fails, put the focus on the speech as an experience. Put in the bells and whistles. The sound, the music, the fury. Make it great theatre. Notice I didn’t say “cheesy theatre.” I’m not talking about PowerPoint swoops and swirls. I’m talking about genuine theatre. Props, sounds, lights, that sort of thing.