We live in an angry age. One day the pendulum will swing back and politicians will stop accusing each other of treason when they disagree about transient matters of policy, but I probably won’t live to see it. One day academics will argue – but not viciously – about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, but it will long after my demise. And one day Fox News will stop treating the President as if he were the devil incarnate, but it will be long after my lifetime – or at least until a Republican occupies the White House, whichever comes first.
Don’t even get me started about other countries. Special anger is always reserved for second-hand opinions, in this angry age. Why take it on?
Of course the Internet and the 24-hour news cycle feeds all of this hatred; it has become an echo chamber of cheap vitriol and cowards hiding behind anonymity to vent their ire.
In any case, we have plenty of anger in the US to go around. We don’t even need Katie Hopkins; we have our Kelly Clarkson bashers piling on here at home.
How sad. How anyone could imagine that her opinions on someone else’s weight could possibly be appropriate in the public realm is beyond me. We are all overweight. We are all Charlie.
Here we have Kanye West and other such monuments to bad taste and nastiness. Lots to go around the globe. Plenty for all.
I’ve been arguing for tact and respect in public communications for eight years now, and clearly I’m fighting a losing game.
So I thought it was time to offer up Five Rules for Communicating Like a Jerk, since the game is so widespread. Here goes.
1.Start by believing that your (angry) opinion matters more than anyone else’s. The self-righteousness of the morally myopic knows no limits. If you’re going to play in the game, you have to believe that you have been specially anointed by the universe to opine.
2.Pick on decent, if flawed, human beings who have never done you any harm. Since that includes most of humanity, you won’t be unnecessarily limiting your scope.
3. The bigger the lie you push, the better. In the hate games, it’s go big and nasty or go home. There’s no point in letting a slavish adherence to the truth hold you back. Let go of any tiresome need for evidence. Just make the stuff up.
4. If anyone goes after you, just look surprised and say it’s not personal. My favorite in this respect is Fox News. It will complain that its opponents are being nasty in one breath and in the very same broadcast voice nastiness on an epic scale.
5. Permanently confuse logic and the ad hominem attack. I taught public speaking for years at Princeton University, and one of my favorite lessons was talking about what the Ancient Greeks taught about rhetoric good and bad. One of their insights was that ad hominem attacks are not logically compelling. What does that mean? It means that just because you can poke holes in the personal conduct of one of your opponents doesn’t mean that you have damaged his or her argument. A hypocrite can be right about Middle East policy. A person who is mean to her kids can be right about the best way to reduce the national debt.
Yet here in the US (and just about everywhere else) we persist in being shocked when we find out our leaders are flawed human beings – and we tend to vote them out of office, regardless of whether or not they’re effective at what they do.
If we waited to elect only perfect people to public office, we’d have an empty legislature. Of course, that would be an improvement on the one we have.
You see how easy this jerk stuff is?
Awesome post Nick. I totally get it. I’ve spent the last 8 years of my life teaching kindness in schools, the workplace and in relationships. Sometimes it feels like a losing battle though. Especially when I witness human behavior on the world-wide web. Social media could be used for so much good, yet too many see it as a way to belittle, abuse and spread negativity. I dream of a world where we must take a required course on ethical choice making and personal responsibility before we are allowed to open a Facebook or Twitter account.
Although Fox News works tirelessly to break the human spirit, I always try to remember that any negativity we are seeing is minuscule compared to the beautiful, loving, kind moments which are taking place. Right now someone is falling in love. Babies are being born. Someones dream is coming true. People who are struggling to find hope are being lifted up by those who care.
One of my greatest teachers, Leo Buscaglia once said, “Don’t spend your precious time asking “Why isn’t the world a better place?” It will only be time wasted. The question to ask is “How can I make it better?” To that there is an answer.”
Amen, Leo.
Thanks, Nick for being you and for being a bright light to so many. It’s because of you that I never step on stage without first saying to myself; “The only reason to give a speech…is to change the world.
With gratitude,
Michael
Michael – thanks so much for your beautiful comment — and for reminding me of the great gifts that Leo gave to the world. Nice to run across another fan of that great man.
You’re so welcome Nick. And yes, Leo was an amazing man. When I discovered him a few years ago he opened my heart in ways I never could have imagined. I’m actually in the midst of a year of “Living Leo.” From February 14th 2015 – February 14th 2016 I’m immersing myself into his teachings; reading every book, watching all of his lectures, and then applying his wisdom to my personal and professional life. I’ll be journaling about my experiences and it will likely become a chapter in my new book.
Thanks again Nick. Have a great day my friend.
Michael
Thanks for this one Nick. We could use a lot more people thinking this way.
But likely the Grinches at many media outlets, public forums and politicians in general recognize the economic value of hate.
Keep on the good work.
You’re welcome, Mike — thanks for the kind words.
Amen indeed. And here’s one more thing I’d add about anger: it’s so easy. Everyone can get angry. It’s the original no-brainer. Anger is an infantile emotion–as proven by the fact that infants can do it. Responding with anger, unbridled or bridled, takes no practice whatsoever. Responding without anger is a hallmark of intelligence and maturity.