What makes public speaking most difficult is that you’re putting yourself out there, and you’re afraid of judgment. You’re afraid of things going badly. You’re afraid of someone calling you out for the fraud you fear yourself to be. You’re afraid someone will ask you a question you don’t know how to answer. You’re afraid something will go wrong with your technology, your mic, your clothing. You’re afraid that you’ll forget, that you’ll stumble, that you’ll embarrass yourself. Have I left anything out? Perhaps you’re afraid someone smarter than you will stand up in the middle of your talk and say, “That’s all wrong!”

Isn’t the mind wonderful at creating possible disaster scenarios? The list is endless; the creativity limitless.

I often tell coaching clients that the secret to happiness in public speaking is to let go of your ego and realize that the presentation isn’t about you speaking. It’s about the audience hearing something. You’re in service to that audience and to the message. In the trio of speaker, message, and audience, you’re the least important part.

That helps some people, but of course, it’s easier said than done. Like a Zen insight into satori, this Zen insight into speaking must be an experience, not an intellectual concept.

When Ryan Holiday wrote his book Ego Is the Enemy (Portfolio/Penguin, 2016) he wasn’t thinking primarily if at all about public speaking. But a number of the insights in this remarkable little book will help the student of public speaking advance her craft. The book is full of instructive and useful stories, quotes, and ideas from ancient thinkers and modern geniuses.

Holiday divides the dangers of the ego into three stages – aspire, success, and failure. When you’re aspiring – on the way up, in other words – your ego can get in the way if you think you should be entitled, or exempt, or already good enough, so you don’t have to actually do the work. And of course the ego is brilliant at tricking us into talking about work rather than doing it. Or checking Facebook, or posting one more tweet, or responding to one more email rather than actually addressing our craft.

Rather than rehearse that upcoming speech, I’ll re-organize my sock drawer.

Then, once you’re successful, the danger is that you’ll think you’re done with practice. You know it all. You no longer have to do the work because you’ve arrived. You’re entitled. You start to tell yourself a story about the inevitability of your success, rather than staying humble and continuing to work at your craft.

Rather than rehearse that upcoming speech, I’ll call up my speaker’s bureau and talk about how well that last speech went.

In the final section of the book, Holiday discusses failure – the inevitable part of any human life. It’s easy to say that’s when character is revealed, because it’s true. But it’s also the time when we discover if we’re really devoted to excellence in public speaking or simply to our careers. Do we continue to practice the craft, or do we indulge in nostalgia or bitterness about the way things used to be?

Rather than rehearse that upcoming speech, I’ll mentally replay that disaster one more time.

Don’t let ego get in the way of mastering your craft. Of the three parts of a speech – speaker, message, audience – you’re the least important part. Focus on the other two and find your true mastery.

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