According to some new research, our sensitivity to negative expressions and threats varies with age. We’re most sensitive as teens, perhaps not surprisingly, and we grow less sensitive as we age. So if you’re going to scowl, make your scary face at Grandpa, not your teenage cousin. Adolescents are quick to spot the slightest signs of angry or negative emotions and react with fear or defensiveness. Perhaps that’s why they’re famously sensitive to peer pressure – especially negative peer pressure.
That’s an important insight for speakers, and certainly for speakers who deal with different age groups. If you are in the habit of talking to teens on a regular basis, for example, you might think about putting on a slightly happier face.
But let’s put this generational difference in context. An older study by German psychologists found that seeing another person under stress activates your stress hormones. Stress is contagious. We leak our emotions to each other. It’s just that, apparently, teens are particularly sensitive to negative expressions.
Overall, men and women are affected in the same way; gender makes no difference, despite traditional assumptions that women may be more empathetic than men.
If stress is contagious and we leak our emotions, and if negative emotions are more likely to set certain age groups off, then speakers need to concern themselves with their emotional states before and during their speeches. A stressed-out speaker will induce stress in the audience. An angry speaker will provoke fear and defensiveness in the audience. Imagine what that does for communication. When we’re stressed, we don’t pay attention as well, we don’t concentrate as well, and we don’t remember as well.
So when a speaker manages his or her emotions, and thinks about how the audience will receive them, that speaker sets him or herself up for success. But what about the typical speaker’s nerves – that inevitable state of adrenaline-induced jitters? What can a speaker do about those in order not to make the audience nervous?
Three possibilities.
First, redefine the jitters. If you can convert your pounding pulse from a scary feeling to a positive one by telling yourself I’m excited! I’m going to do a great job! I’m full of energy! and so on, then you should do so. Those feeling of excitement will give you the energy you need to project the slightly-bigger-than-life persona you need on a big stage.
Part of the work involved is to silence that little voice in your head that completes the doom loop begun by your racing heart, the one that says, Oh-oh; this is going to be bad….The last time you felt like this was that time you bombed in front of the YMCA….This is going to be a wreck too….You need to replace that voice with the positive one that talks about how the feeling reminds you of the time you won at blackjack or went skydiving or proposed marriage, or something equally exciting.
Second, create an alternative emotional state. A slightly more sophisticated response to the problem of speaker’s nerves is to create an alternative emotional state in your mind, one that relates to the opening of your speech. If you are telling a touching story, for example, then use a method actor’s technique and remember a time when you felt emotional in that way, using all five senses, working yourself into that state. The mental exercise required to recall and install the emotion has the added benefit of making you forget your nerves as you work yourself into the new emotional state.
Finally, calm yourself down. There are a number of techniques, from deep breathing, to various forms of meditation, which will enable you to maintain calm in the face of pressure.
But don’t be seduced by the appeal of a Zen-like state. Your goal should not be to have a normal pulse. The advantage of being in adrenaline mode is that your racing heart and zippy mental state, if not completely out of control, will enable you to move a little faster than the audience. You’ll be able to think on your feet better, and that’s a good thing, by and large. You can handle sudden issues that come up with aplomb, and answer questions that the audience has with impressive mental dexterity.
A little adrenaline is a good thing. Calm is overrated in front of an audience. But stressing out the audience is not the goal. When you’re getting ready to speak, prepare your emotional state, and leak good, relevant emotions to the crowd.
There use to be a time when I could be successful just talking about “rainbows and sunshine” when speaking to youth. In recent years however, discussing mental health issues has become front and center. There has been a huge spike in anxiety, depression, and self-harm. (Social media and technology has played a major role in this). But I’m also working with many middle/high schools that are dealing with hate speech, racial tensions, and other issues that were extremely rare when I began doing youth programs over a decade ago. It’s especially challenging when trying to teach responsible use of social media and we have celebrities, pro athletes, and a president that uses it as a weapon. Still, I have hope. I truly believe in these amazing young souls. The key is to meet them where they are. (Oh, and by the way – don’t use the excuse “I’m too old to work with kids” – I’m turning 50 this year). You just need to be honest. Open. Vulnerable. Earn their trust. Above all…tell your story. The good, the bad and especially the ugly. Through this approach, I’ve met countless students who are now ready to change the world for the better. They just need reminders of their greatness. If we want to change the world, we must teach our children how to stand up, be courageous, and use their voices for good…
Michael, wonderful to hear from you and thank you for sharing your perspective on talking to the next generation. I agree wholeheartedly with your call for authenticity and honesty. My post was meant to be a reminder that we leak our emotions to each other. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t share, just that we need to be aware of the responsibilities that fall to us when we do.
I absolutely agree with you my friend. (and your whole post). I hope I didn’t come across as if in disagreement. I loved what you said. I sometimes have a tendency to get overly fired up when talking about helping our youth! And I guess after a week of dealing with “less than kind” school administration, I took the topic off track a bit. (sometimes the spirit of Leo Buscaglia comes through me when discussing our educational system!) My apologies. I always look forward to your insightful and relevant posts. I hope all is well with you. Happy spring!
Michael, thank you for your passion and the work that you do. No need to apologize! And anyone who can channel Leo has my wholehearted admiration! I remember hearing him speak at the University of Virginia a number of years ago and thinking, here is a unique and wonderful voice.