I’ve often had clients and others tell me that they’ll rehearse in front of a mirror in order to practice a speech or some important part of a speech. It seems like a good idea in principal, doesn’t it? You can try out various expressions, gestures, and stances and see what works. You can test your own comfort level with the material in safety, seeing how much you remember and noting what you’re missing or getting wrong.
And yet, the practice has always struck me as wrong-headed, designed to increase self-consciousness when you want to be reducing it, if anything. And of course, you’re seeing yourself backward (and in two dimensions) in a mirror, so the view you get of yourself is in fact a distortion.
But I’ve never had a convincing argument ready to present to these people when they bring up the idea, and so I’ve just encouraged them to do their best and moved on to other topics.
Then a recent study on a related topic caught my eye and got me thinking about the issue again and led me to realize why the whole idea bothers me so much. The study was a small, simple one that found that if you tell people to stop looking in the mirror for a two-week period, their self-esteem will increase. More than that, the incidence of depression, social anxiety, and body dissatisfaction decreases as well.
That’s a pretty great response to a daily text message telling you not to do something.
And in wondering why something so simple had such a global effect, it occurred to me that the reason had to do with why we humans communicate in the first place. And that is to connect with other people. Obvious, right? We humans think of ourselves – define ourselves – as individuals, but our real being lies in connection. We find public speaking powerful precisely because it’s a chance to hear from a leader – and to bond together as an audience. Never underestimate the power of the latter. A speaker who can get the audience interacting with itself, exchanging emotions, and connecting, will be effortlessly more successful than a speaker who tries to do all the work him- or herself.
Looking in the mirror, whether to check your appearance or to rehearse a speech, bounces that human urge to connect right back at you and frustrates the unconscious effort you’re making to share emotions with other humans.
It’s better to rehearse in front of a few long-suffering friends, or even a non-judgmental mobile phone set to record, than to watch yourself as you’re speaking. Your focus as you speak needs to be not on you but on the message and the audience. Even in rehearsal, keep the focus heading in the right direction by imagining that perfect audience member sitting in front of you when you speak – not yourself. The best Zen insight I’ve ever heard about public speaking is that a speech succeeds when the speaker realizes that the speech is not about her, but about the audience. If the audience gets the speech, communication has happened. If the audience doesn’t, then communication hasn’t taken place.
It’s not about you. Eschew the mirror. Focus on the audience, real or imagined. Better to practice in front of an intelligent ferret than to talk while looking at yourself.
Anxious people tend to make it ALL about themselves. Anxiety seems to be saying “everyone is thinking about me”. Of course it isn’t true but that is what it feels like! The more we focus on ourselves the grimmer it gets. The mirror will often help to bring out the inner critic monster even quicker, feeding us messages of self-hatred and shame. Not a great idea.
What we don’t realise that many, many people have a strong core belief of “I’m not good enough”. I work with anxious people all the time and in every course, it’s a major factor in undermining our confidence. Mirror work won’t help with that at all. I also never use a video camera with anxious people because the inner critic comes out there as well. We are SO good at putting ourselves down.
Focus on something bigger than yourself like your purpose, your values and connecting with the audience.
So on reflection, Nick I totally agree with you. Stay away from the mirror!
Thanks, John, for the great point about the underlying anxieties that mirrors reflect and thus intensify! And the pun is duly noted. Back at ya!
Practicing with a virtual audience is a great alternative to the mirror and much more flexible than friends and family. With VR you get a true feeling of being in front of an audience; you can have an experience and venue that are like where you will be presenting. WIth the right program, you can record your session. No scheduling issues and you can practice as many times as you need.
Thanks, Kristopher — great to hear from you!
Hi Nick
Hitler practised in front of a mirror and we know how that turned out. For me, focus out and the research you give is excellent.
Thank you.
Kindest regards
John
John — that should have been signal enough! Thanks for your comment.
Nick,
Good piece! I agree with your views that practicing in front of a mirror can increase self-consciousness rather than reduce it. And it was interesting to read about the study you found about mirrors and anxiety. Like you, I’ve advised people I coached not to practice in front on mirrors. And I’ve referred to the great acting teacher Stanislavski, who warned his students not to practice their lines in front of mirrors, saying “Love the art in yourself, not yourself in the art.” Thanks for the article.
Thanks, Sam — I love that line from Stanislavski! That’s exactly what we’re talking about.