How good are you a spotting a liar? Most people think they are above average, but the research clearly shows that we are no better than 50-50 – a flip of the coin, pure chance – at detecting lies. We may be better at spotting the lies of someone we know well, at least we’d like to be, but again there’s no evidence to support this, just a pious wish.
There’s an assumption in my question that the way you spot a liar is to detect something in the non-verbal behavior that gives away the lie. The words say one thing, the body language another. And when those two ‘conversations’ are at variance, we always believe the body language. When you ask your partner if she’s upset about something, you don’t spend a lot of time parsing the words “I’m fine”; rather, you listen for the tone of voice, look for the folded arms, and so on, to see what the non-verbal conversation is telling you. If all of that is negative, you assume she’s not fine.
There’s nothing particularly remarkable about this behavior. We all spend a fair amount of time detecting how people around us feel by the clues they send us through body language, and quickly determine what we think their real intent is.
And given how important intent is to human conversations and connections, you’d think we’d be better at determining it in general. That there is a practically foolproof way to detect a lie in particular, then, comes as a bit of a surprise. And it has nothing to do with body language.
It’s known as the Reid Technique, after the former Chicago police officer and psychologist who developed it. His first famous conviction was overturned when the man that Reid got to confess turned out to be innocent (another person confessed) but the technique was established and it is still in use.
The technique doesn’t use body language at all. Rather, it involves assuming that the person under suspicion is guilty and asks a series of questions designed to lull the apparent perpetrator in a feeling that the questioner is on his or her side. “Did you plan this or did it just happen?”
Not a good technique to use on those near and dear to us, because its greatest weakness is that it leads to false confessions, and presumably asking a long series of questions about the incident that your loved one is denying would not feel like a relational way to act. The real reason that we are not very good at determining lies and liars is that we make an assumption of truth with the people we love, most of the time – and that’s a good thing. Most of us do tell the truth most of the time about the stuff that matters in our lives, and that’s how human intimacy and trust is supposed to work. Little white lies (“no, that doesn’t make you look fat!”) are the road kill on the highway of truth, the road we all want to be on.
That does make us vulnerable to lies, but it is still a better way to operate than to assume everyone is lying to us all the time. That would cause way too much friction in our relationships!
Is there anything that we can take away from the Reid Technique that is useful in our everyday lives, and that would increase our ability to spot lies when it matters? Just this: assume that our body-language-reading skills are only average, and instead ask a question or two designed to allow the party in question more easily to admit to the lie. The questions should assume guilt and then ask how it felt. “Was it fun to hide the empty brownie pan?” Listen hard to the answer and what it may tell you. And don’t expect very much. We’re better off being occasionally fooled than eternally suspicious.
Hello Dr. Nick
This subject about lying is getting recurring, now with the famous Fakenews.
I also agree with you that not all people have this ability to detect when someone is lying to them.
But this can be learned.
To make this clearer, I will list some examples from my NLP-Based Communication Book and Course – Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
I am an NLP Practitioner
When a person lies, they have some very specifics types of behaviors.
Let’s see some of them:
1-He says affirmations, but his face moves and says NO.
This happens because we can verbally speak lies, but the NO gesture of the head is done by the brain.
Our brains don’t lie and this is done unconsciously.
2-The person closes his eyes when he starts to lie.
The unconscious does not want to “see” the lie.
(Remember Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky Scandal ?)
3-The person looks down, that is, does not look at the eyes to whom he lies. It’s a kind of shame he feel for lying.
It is an unconscious and automatic gesture.
4-When a child lies, she puts her hand to her mouth, as if she was avoiding telling the lie.
5-The child when he lies, puts his hands behind his back, and as a sense of submission, looks at the floor.
6-At a certain moment when preparing to lie, a child holds his thumb in his mouth.
As an adult, she replaces her thumb with some object:
-Pen, mechanical pencil, cigarette, small objects
Psychologically it is explained by the attempt to return to the safety of the newborn when sucking the mother’s breast.
7-As an adult, when he lies, he disguises it by lightly touching his mouth.
8-When lied, people feel a little itch on their face and scratch slightly
Desmond Morris, an English biologist, an expert in human sociobiology, discovered that Lying causes an itch in the tissues of the Face and Neck.
9- If the person is going to say that he heard a certain information from someone (that he is making it up, which is a lie), the liar moves his eyes (not his head) and towards the right ear
10-If the person receives a question and is going to answer lying, he repeats the whole question, to give time to unconsciously create a false answer.
Example:
Wife asking her husband:
-Why did you arrive so late last night from the office?
Husband replying:
Do you want to know why I was so late last night from the office?
And when thinking to create the lie, look up, right side.
In the book and in the course there is much more (no lie!)
A big hug, Dr, Nick, from your assiduous reader
FROM BRAZIL – City of São
Elazier — thank you for your thoughtful comments, and these great potential indicators of lying. The point we all have to remember is that (to take one example only) if someone scratches their face, it could be an indication of lying. It could also be a sign that they have an itch. Body language is multi-determined, and one gesture can mean many things. This is why most people are no better than 50-50 (flipping a coin) at determining lies. You must consider context, get to know the basic gestures of the person in question, and then see if there has been a departure from the norm, to have any chance better than chance to determine truth or lying.