The most common question I get asked about public speaking is, “how do I control (reduce, eliminate) my nerves?” As soon as someone learns that I coach speakers and executives, that’s what they ask. And that’s no surprise; fear of public speaking is near-universal. Now, for most people, it’s a relatively mild form of anxiety that goes away a few minutes into a presentation. But for some, it’s more involved than that. For some, it’s a debilitating fear, one that they will go to significant lengths to avoid.
Early in my career, I got a call from a V-P at Comcast who told me that he was killing off his relatives in order to avoid public speaking, which was part of his job. I naturally asked him what he meant. He told me in all seriousness that he would always say ‘yes’ to public speaking assignments, because he needed to appear willing and eager for career success. Then, about a week before the speech, he would report that some relative was ill, and nearing death. Sure enough, the person in question would pass away a day or two before the speaking event, forcing our hero to decline to speak in order to attend the funeral. (Spoiler/trigger alert: no one actually died. Our V-P was making it all up in order to avoid speaking.)
He told me that he kept a spreadsheet of his relatives and their demise(s) so that he didn’t kill them twice and get caught.
Needless to say, all of this took a huge amount of effort, and cost him a lot of self-respect. I told him that if he put anything like that amount of energy into overcoming his fear, he would be successful in a matter of months, if not weeks. He promised to set up a time to work with me.
On the day of our session, I received a call from the executive, from an airport. He said, “I took a flight to the West Coast just to avoid working with you.” I wished him well and encouraged him to get help when he was ready. I never heard from him again. I do hope he was able to overcome the fear, because it is conquerable, and life is better if you can speak with reasonable comfort in public settings. You don’t have to be a superstar, but it is a useful skill to be competent.
I wrote the last time about the basic, well-tested methods of reducing anxiety. Do start with those because I’ve seen those work over and over again when applied conscientiously. But if you’ve tried those techniques and still want other ways to reduce anxiety, here are a few others that are perhaps more surprising, according to various research findings.
Talk about your fear. Apparently, the more you describe your fear of speaking to someone else, the more it reduces measurable signs (like skin temperature, blood pressure, heart rate) of anxiety. It seems that you may not be consciously aware of any stress reduction, but it does show up in your vital stats.
Wash the dishes. It’s harder to do this on the road, but washing dishes in a conscious way, paying attention to the soap and water and so on, is very calming. Help out when you are at home! I imagine other routine chores that you can lose yourself in would have a similar effect.
Get a massage. Well, sure. I mean, of course a massage is relaxing, right?
Go for a walk in the woods. One of the best ways to improve your vital statistics and your mood is to immerse yourself in nature for a walk. It’s calming, grounding, and relaxing. Moderate exercise is a good way to get rid of the excess energy that adrenaline brings, as well. Just don’t overdo it. You don’t want to be exhausted for your speech.
Perform an act of kindness. This may work because you are taking the focus off yourself and putting it on someone else. But whatever the reason, helping someone else out gives you not only good Karma, but a less-anxious mood as well.
I hope some of these less-obvious ways of reducing stress will start you relaxing and enjoying your next public-speaking opportunity.
lHello Dr. Nick Morgan, really public speaking
is something that a lot of people suffer from.
This even has a name and it’s called Glossophobia
It is important to make it clear, that there is no difficult or hostile audience
that wants to terrify whoever is going to expose an issue.
What exists is just that when starting the presentation,
the speaker still hasn’t created a good relationship, an empathy with her listeners.
Doing breathing exercises before entering the scene helps
to calm anxiety and give more self-confidence.
It is important to understand that whoever is going to listen to
a presentation wants it to be as successful as possible.
The participants, in principle, are sympathetic to the topic
and eagerly await the start of the meeting.
The intimidation felt before entering the stage always exists
and what varies is the intensity.
Everything that is done live is still exciting!
The important thing is to understand that everything is
an initial question and then everything adjusts to the challenge.
If the person prepared for it and a little stress is part of the game.
Thus, everything will work out if the person has done their homework:
1-Researched the theoretical aspects of the subject.
2-He listed practical examples he experienced.
3- Listed what went well and how you learned from mistakes.
4-Created a script and revised it several times.
5-Adjusted the photos for the slides to be consistent with the subject.
6-Created the slides based on the script.
7-Practiced the lecture with many repetitions.
So he has more at the moment than following the plan and
trusting that everything will turn out well.
Dr. Nick Morgan, this little comment I took from my
fourth book, this one, still without final name, a speaker’s guide.
Thanks again for your very interesting posts, of
this activity of transmitting information and taking people to the next level!
Elazier — thank you so much for this rich addition to the post! I love (and endorse) all your comments. Here’s to less-anxious public speaking — that’s still a little bit exciting!