Empathy is up to us. And it’s on the decline.  We have reason to be worried, certainly here in the United States, and I assume around the world as well, if the news is to be believed.  I was thinking about the endangered status of empathy on a long drive to visit family on the holiday weekend.  Traffic rudeness is on the upswing, as we’ve all noticed, post-pandemic, and some of the acts of road rage we saw on our (east coast) drive betrayed a complete lack of empathy – cutting someone off, failing to yield on entering the freeway, tailgating, and other such thoughtlessness.  Let’s call that petty rudeness. It shows that the driver, at least in that moment, is cut off from the milk of human kindness

The classic definition of empathy is to understand and share the feelings of someone else.  Someone who is capable of cutting off another drive shows a lack of empathy because they presumably can’t understand the terror, fear, or irritation that they themselves have called up in the hearts of the people in the other car.

At a deeper level we witness the lack of empathy in ourselves and our opposite numbers in the other party as we display the inability to understand and share the feelings of Democrats or Republicans – whichever side you favor.  That has clearly become worse as we have become more polarized – and it is more than just petty rudeness.  But why?  What are we doing wrong?  How did we become so convinced in the lack of humanity (and their emotions) in the other side?

To understand what is happening, it helps to understand a little bit better where empathy comes from.  Fortunately, we have a study that reveals how empathy is created in the first place, and how it is transmitted in the second place.

Dr. Grit Hein,  Professor of Translational Social Neuroscience at the Center of Mental Health of the University Hospital Würzburg, has studied the inculcation of empathy in populations, and what he finds is that we learn to empathize by watching others.  You might say that it is contagious, but it is certainly enhanced or diminished by the behaviors of others.  We learn to be empathetic from the people around us, and if they are more or less empathetic, we respond by augmenting or diminishing our empathy quotient by matching theirs.

Interestingly, while we do learn empathy as children (or not), we continue to evolve our EQ as we age, thanks to the empathy patterns of others.  As Professor Hein notes, “It is possible to learn positive empathy from others. However, for empathy to thrive long-term, it requires an atmosphere of mutual respect.”

I think it is the issue of respect that lies behind the epidemic of rudeness and antagonism that appears to govern our social interactions today.  Democrats don’t respect Republicans in the United States, and vice-versa. As a result, our political discourse lacks empathy, and even basic understanding.  Without these fundamental ingredients of human communication, we cannot move toward understanding amid an atmosphere of civility.  Instead, we are reduced to name-calling, misrepresentations, and outright lies.

We can do better.  We must do better.  Our highways and our airwaves cry out for respect and empathy.  Who will set us a better example?