This week, give or take a bit, is about the time most people give up on their New Year’s resolutions.  It’s kinda sad, no?  We’re not even a twelfth of the way through the year and the drop off is lemming-like.  We’re all plunging off the cliff of good intentions at a rate that would put left-handed smoke turners at Guy Fawkes Night to shame.

Given that so many try, and fail to lose weight, find a new job, or start writing that YA novel, are humans just hopeless?  Or is there some kind of silver lining somewhere? And what about public speakers who need to develop something new in their speech or shed an old (bad) habit?  Is there any hope for them?

I have good news.  There are three practices that, if you follow them sedulously, will increase your chances of staying the course.

First, Call on Some (Healthy) Friends.  The first lever you have to pull to increase your staying power on that diet is perhaps a surprising one:  your friends.  But will only work if your friends are the same or slimmer than you are. In other words, you need to form an accountability group with some similarly-minded folks who also want to learn French, learn to play the flute, or throw clay pots.  The idea here is that commitments we make to ourselves – private commitments – are less durable and compelling than the commitments we make to our peer group.  So announce your goal to the right friends if you want to get serious about sticking!

In the speaking business, joining a club of speakers, or pairing up with another speaker who is roughly at the same level of career as you, means that you can be held accountable by people who really do know what you are going through.

Second, Propinquity Helps Purpose.  The second lever for really changing behaviors is putting yourself in opportunity’s way.  The idea is simple and obvious, but it really makes a difference:  if you live near a donut factory, you’re going to eat more donuts.  If you live near a gym, on the other hand, you’re more likely to keep going to work out than if it’s three subway rides and 5 blocks across town.  Or if parking is hard.  So organize your makeovers and changes so that you can easily and simply sustain them.  Don’t join a French club that meets in person on the other side of town and requires a 45-minute schlep to get there.

Speakers, join a local Toastmaster’s club if you are not getting enough reps and want to work on your nerves or your stage presence.  The stress there should be on local, not one that might be more prestigious in a difference city.  If you’re not there, you won’t do it.

Third, Habits Die Hard, But Substitute More Easily.  One of the aspects of smoking that made it so hard to quit was the several-minute break it offered workers from their day’s routine.  That habit was not just for the nicotine, but also for the camaraderie, the air, the chance to leave the desk.  If you were going to let that go, and struggle with the drug withdrawal too, it proved to be a whole lot easier if you substituted something that was equally engaging and pleasurable as the smoke break.  The idea is that trying to cut out an old habit leaves a hole to fill, and you are more likely to relapse if you don’t have something that is at least as compelling – preferably more so.

Speakers, if you have a bad habit of pacing, for example, as you speak, build in a pause and ask the audience a question, something that will fill up the pacing hole in a way that will distract you rather than make you yearn for the freedom of the Old Days when you could race around the stage like the proverbial caged tiger all you liked.

This is the time of year when you need to plan for potential relapsing by surrounding yourself with like-minded friends, setting your behavior patterns to make virtue relatively easy, and having new habits ready to take the place of the old.  Without these inducements, you are likely to join the mass exodus of your fellow humans from Resolution-land who are all heading off to Failure-ville.  Don’t let that be you!