Sabina Nawaz is an elite executive coach who advises C-level executives and teams at Fortune 500 corporations, government agencies, nonprofits, and academic institutions around the world. Sabina gives dozens of keynotes, seminars, and conferences each year and teaches faculty at Northeastern and Drexel University.

During her fourteen-year tenure at Microsoft, she went from managing software development teams to leading the company’s executive development and succession planning efforts for over 11,000 managers and nearly a thousand executives, advising Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer directly. She has written for and been featured in Harvard Business Review, The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, NBC, Nasdaq, and MarketWatch.

Her new book, out this week, is You’re The Boss.

Nick:  Sabina, please tell us about your personal management journey that led to this book.

Sabina: In my early years as a manager at Microsoft I was the kind of manager others wanted to work for. But after a promotion to run Microsoft’s executive development, and returning from parental leave, the high-stakes role and new family responsibilities collided to overwhelm me. My first day back from leave, for example, I was notified with only 30 minutes to spare that I was expected in a meeting with the CEO. And I was still at home! That set the tone. A packed calendar and overflowing inbox at work; an infant and sleep deprivation at home. I became impatient, snippy, and micro-managed my team, constantly fearful we would look bad in front of the top executives.

And then one day, a colleague let me know that I’d made a direct report cry. That was a wake-up call that I’d become a manager, and a person, that I didn’t want to be—unsupportive, un-empathetic, even unkind.

In my second career as an executive coach, I interviewed thousands of employees about what they actually thought of their managers. The 12,000 pages of data I collected supplemented my own experience and led to the insights in my book.

Nick: What’s a common misconception about being a boss?

Sabina: The traits managers think make them successful are in fact tanking their effectiveness. Toxic work behavior stems from the same sources that make us stand out and help us win. Confidence and arrogance, calm and disinterest, strategic and manipulative are opposite sides of the same coins.

As they’re promoted up the ranks, managers don’t change. They still show up with these strengths. But they fail to realize that their circumstances have changed. They’re no longer succeeding (if they are succeeding) because of these traits but despite them.

Power is a two-way volume switch. It amplifies down and mutes up.

The higher up we go, the less visible our intentions are to those who work for us. And we often don’t know this because direct reports won’t give us that feedback. We pose a threat to their livelihood.

When my client Stella’s need for speed resulted in her commenting to her team, “How hard can this be?” or “Why is this taking so long?” they felt she didn’t appreciate their hard work or what it took to get stuff done on the ground. With coaching, Stella learned to rethink her elevated role and make strategy, not speed, her new superpower.

Nick: What is the role of communication in being a good boss?

Sabina: The first time I spoke in front of a large crowd was at a tech conference.

I confidently strode up to the microphone and started speaking. Instantly, I was startled by how every word echoed off the auditorium’s back wall. I continued to deliver the speech at my regular fast pace, but the echo of the last sentence blurred into my next sentence. I became disoriented and kept losing my train of thought.

I finished the speech and stepped off the stage with much less bravado than I’d felt going on. I realized my trademark strength of delivering fast-paced energy onstage was the very thing getting in my way when speaking in a larger arena.

The same thing happens when you’re promoted up the ranks. Your speech is permanently amplified through a megaphone. “When can you get this to me?” gets translated as, “Give up your weekend and get this to me ASAP.” When we’re not mindful, we open several different types of Communication Fault Lines. One way to address this uncalibrated megaphone is to use numbers on a scale. For example, “On a scale of one to ten, this is a three in importance,” or “My level of concern about this is an eight.” The added benefit of scaling is that your team is clearer when something truly is a priority for you.

Nick:  What is the single most important step a manager can take tomorrow to communicate better?

Sabina: Bosses can improve their communication by growing the size of their shut-up muscle. Here are three ways to do so:

1. If you’re wondering why no one else is coming up with ideas, debating a topic, or displaying critical thinking skills – try being at least the third person to speak in a meeting.
2. If your ideas get in the way of you being fully present and listening, capture those in the margin of your notes so you can return to the conversation.
3. Give yourself the task of paraphrasing once during each meeting – forcing you to listen more deeply.

By exercising our shut-up muscle, we place the work where it belongs: with our team members and only jump in when we’re uniquely qualified to do so.

Nick: You mention that increased power can blind us to the impact of our actions. What are some signs that a manager might be falling into this trap?

Sabina:  Let’s face it, employees hesitate to give negative feedback to their managers, especially when it’s about the manager! So, we are often blind to the consequences of our tactics and the last to know when we are managing poorly. Here are four flags that can clue us in that all is not well with our management style:

• No one pushes back or suggests an alternative to our ideas.
• People act as though we are smarter, funnier, and faster than we know ourselves to be.
• We set the agenda and are the only one coming up with ideas and showing initiative. We work late and early and all times between.
• We justify our actions with a yeah-but. “Yeah, but, something excuses my behavior.” “Yeah, but this is an especially busy time of year. A very common yeah-but: “Yeah, but this was special.”

You’re the Boss includes a set of 42 questions. Try answering those questions to identify where power and pressure are negatively affecting your performance as a manager. Proactively learn where you might be in danger of creating a big chasm between yourself and others that will negatively impact your business results.

Nick:  Thank you, Sabina! You can find You’re The Boss here!