I just completed two days of teaching in Harvard’s continuing education program for mid-career executives.  It’s one of my favorite assignments.  The students come from all over the US and the world, and they are curious, expert in their own fields, and ready to network and learn.

And this group was particularly honest and open.  Sometimes these classes find it hard to admit to having, say, stage fright, thinking that the other students will judge them. Perhaps they believe that they should already be competent at everything since they are at Harvard. But this group embraced the idea of openness as the best way to learn. Everyone but one person raised their hands when I asked how many experienced the adrenaline surge that so often comes before walking into a high-stakes meeting with the board or executive team, or an important presentation.

More about that one person later.

As I started to talk about ways to manage their adrenaline, it occurred to me that the answer has changed during the years I’ve been a coach.  When I began, in 1997, the best answer was to practice various forms of relaxation to damp down the uncomfortable feelings that adrenaline can provoke.  So we taught breathing, muscle relaxation, and mantras, among other techniques.

Now, those techniques are still valid, and relaxation and focus techniques are still great ways to prepare to do a splendid job in high-stakes situations involving adrenaline.  But there’s now also another way to think about the fight-flight-or-freeze feeling. The reasoning goes like this:  peak performance requires peak functioning, both mental and physical.  To accomplish that, a little adrenaline helps.  So your best response to the adrenaline caused by having to give a presentation or negotiate the sale of your company is to embrace it.  Redefine those symptoms as good signs that mean that your body is ready to kick some *ss and seize the moment for all it’s worth!

Your second-best response is to practice relaxation techniques, adding mindfulness to the mix today, to take the edge off the unpleasant feelings — and then go ahead and use the adrenaline to perform at your peak efficiency.

Third best is to murder your relatives.  I worked with a gentleman once who did that.  In fact, he kept a spreadsheet of his (apparently) deceased relatives so that he wouldn’t kill them more than once.

He was a V-P of a large company, and was called on frequently to speak to employees, shareholders, and the public.  He would always accept, believing that he had to – it was part of his job.  Then, when the date got close, he would announce that a relative had died and say that he had to go to the funeral.  A deputy would step in and give the speech in his place.

Let me stress at this point that he wasn’t really murdering his relatives. What he was doing was lying to his team and his colleagues about deaths in his family in order to avoid a (for him) frightening duty.

The system worked reasonably well, until he began to run out of relatives.  Then, he called me.  I wish I could say that I helped him, but his speech phobia was so extreme that he couldn’t even manage to get to our sessions, so I had to give up after trying several times to schedule – and keep – a meeting.

I didn’t want any more of his relatives to die.   So I recommended that he take Beta Blockers – something that apparently three-quarters of symphony orchestra performers do to help with chronic stage fright.  (You’ll need a doctor’s prescription for this solution.)

That one Harvard student who wasn’t nervous?  She was first among the volunteers giving a short speech and receiving feedback — a gutsy move.  And she was poised, open, and brilliant at connecting with her audience.  She told us the story of being born with a physical handicap and how it prepared her to be able to face anything.  Many of her fellow students, we learned, hadn’t even noticed the handicap until she mentioned it — her poise was that strong.

If you can, embrace your adrenaline. Your audience will love your courage and willingness to jump in boldly.  If, like me, you want to calm yourself down just a little before you leap into the abyss, embrace that method. Both are equally worthy and honorable.  Either way, your audience wants you to succeed.