Principle VI:  To become a persuasive communicator you must first consciously master and then control your ‘second conversation’ – your body language.

Many people balk at this idea, that mastery and control of body language is essential to becoming an effective communicator – or leader.  They say, “Why should I spend all that effort worrying about how I come across.  I just want to be myself!”

Here’s why that’s not such a good idea.  Being yourself is fine when you’re in comfortable circumstances, among friends, let’s say, at a casual get-together, or curled up in bed reading a book.   The stakes are low, there’s little or no pressure, and no one’s keeping score.

But put yourself in front of the Board, or a group of worried employees, or your boss, and the stakes are higher.  Just being yourself under these circumstances means displaying the tension, the anxiety, and even the fear that most probably goes along with the raised stakes   Is that really how you want to come across?

And it’s not just about you.  If you radiate tension, anxiety or fear, the other humans in the room will unconsciously pick up that fear and respond with their tension, anxiety, fear, and even anger.  Is that really what you want to provoke?

What if your goal in that meeting or with that speech is to save the company or to get funding for a particular project?  Do you really think shared fear is the way to reach your goal?

‘See yourself as others see you’ is an ancient maxim that is the beginning of successful communication.  You must become conscious of your body language – your second conversation – and then learn to master and control it if you want to become an effective communicator. 
Yes, it takes work at first.  But in the end you won’t want to go back.  And you’ll be ready for much higher-stakes poker.