Our thoughts are unruly children, aren’t they? They go where they want, show up when they want, and distract us as much as they please.  Hence, in Western philosophical tradition, we think of them on the whole as something we can’t control.  More than that, we think of them as natural phenomena that are vaguely improper to try to control.

We tend to identify ourselves with our feelings, so that controlling or eliminating them seems like a strange, perhaps Machiavellian, thing to do.

Nonetheless, here in the West, when a nervous thought shows up just before a speech, we are willing to put in a good deal of effort to attempt to get rid of this unruly, distracting thing that gets in the way of making speaking fun.  Moreover, speech coaches like me spend a lot of time coaching people on how to eliminate those pesky terrors.

It’s a curious contradiction and what’s even more interesting, both ends of the contradiction are wrong.

We are not our feelings, first of all, so it should be OK to learn to control them.  And second, rather than eliminating the feeling of fear, a better approach is to redefine it so that all that energy can be used to help you deliver a better speech.

The good news is that neuroscience is coming to the rescue, gradually providing us with a better understanding of how our minds work.  And that emerging picture suggests that our old, simple model of feelings driving us, indeed defining us, can be brought up to date to be more useful, and that suppressing our thoughts is indeed not the best way to control them.

One recent study looked at various ways to get rid of unwanted thoughts.  The fastest way, it turns out, is to fill the mind with something else, or to clear the mind with a variety of mindfulness or meditation techniques.  So rather than standing backstage, quaking in your expensive shoes all polished for the occasion, thinking about how terrified you are, instead think about killing it with all that amazing energy you have right now.  Run a mental video, in other words, of you speaking confidently and bringing it home triumphantly to a standing ovation.  Or, picture a peaceful mountain stream and experience a moment of Zen or two.

Both approaches can work.  I favor the first of the two, because it harnesses the energy rather than trying to evade it.  That’s especially true in the virtual presenting mode that so many of us are living with now.  The computer sucks up human energy like a thirsty camel arriving at an oasis, so you need to have 120% of your normal energy in order just to look alive.  Calming yourself down may feel good on Zoom, and be very good for you afterwards, but at the time it’s better to stay ‘up’.

Speaking of ‘up’, a second study helps us by delineating the workings of the unconscious mind a bit more than before.  I’ve blogged previously about how literal the mind is.  If you hold a hot cup of coffee while meeting someone new, you’ll be more likely to feel warmly toward them.  Really.

This study found that doing anything in an upward direction, whether lifting up your arms, climbing stairs, or just looking up, will cause you to remember happier things than looking down.  That’s because, in our unconscious minds, feeling down means sad, and feeling up means glad.  So one way to enhance your speech prep, while you are busy redefining your nerves as energy, is to look upward.  Yippee, your mind will say to itself, I must be feeling great!

Maybe if we all look up while thinking about the American political scene, it will seem better immediately.

Certainly, all speakers should start thinking about controlling their feelings so that they provide the best possible support for their speaking careers, rather than becoming hostage to them.

 

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash