Dacher Keltner studies embarrassment, that moment when you feel, as he says, in a recent interview in the Boston Globe, “This is the worst moment of life. I have just given a talk with my zipper down, or I’ve just called this guy by the wrong name, or I farted in my yoga class.” (You can see the full interview here: http://b.globe.com/vmsB5W.)  What he’s learned is surprising, and has an important lesson for public speakers and communicators everywhere.

What happens when we get embarrassed is that we feel shame for the initial faux pas, then we blush, and then we get embarrassed that we’re showing signs of being embarrassed.  There’s a double jeopardy going on, especially if we think everyone has seen the blush as well as the initial incident.  And so the moment feeds on itself. 

Especially in a public setting, it can be difficult to get back on track, as your mind returns to the incident, and the blush, again and again.  One of my most embarrassing moments as a speaker (out of many) came a number of years ago when I was presenting in the UK for the first time.  I had some videos to show (this was the VHS era) and I couldn’t get the videos to work.  The audience was mostly engineers and IT experts, and it didn’t take them long to sort out the problem:  the incompatibility of the US and UK video formats.  The embarrassment came when I realized that the audience realized that I had been completely unaware (until that awful moment) that there were different formats.  How could I be so stupid, so clueless, so unaware?  I blushed, and for the rest of the talk replayed in my head the moment of my realization, and my ignorance.

Afterwards I did the only possible thing:  I repaired to the bar and downed a few glasses of Guinness, accompanied by members of the audience who were only too glad to toast my ignorance.

It turns out I shouldn’t have worried so much.  What Keltner has found is that embarrassment displays indicate the overall goodness of the “embarrassee” – and the witnesses know this.  So when we witness you being embarrassed, we like you better, trust you more, and are more likely to cooperate with you. 

In short, being embarrassed means that you’re human, and we like you better for it.  So don’t dread those moments of embarrassment as a speaker or a communicator – they’re doing good things for you with your audience.